Can't Be Trans and Happy?

This isn't about being happy about being transgender, I'll save that for another time, but about whether or not one is allowed to be transgender and be happy with your life.

Full disclosure: I am happy with my life. I have a career I want. I have a great boyfriend. I had a wonderful, supportive husband. I own a home. I have friends. I have a few too many cats. I've developed interests in new types of music. I've even learned that under the right circumstances I can enjoy watching a football game. And importantly, I'm comfortable in my body now, give or take the weight that I tend to loose and gain back every few years.

But if you listen to the "trans community", all of that is impossible. I'm transgender and to be transgender means that you are oppressed. People hate/fear/mock you wherever you go. We face discrimination in employment, housing, relationships. People want to stop us from existing, Now I'm not going to say that none of those things ever happen, that would be a lie. But for the most part, it's the minority, at least in places like the US, UK and Canada.

Once during a trans support group meeting, we watched a video about being transgender in Texas. Most of the people featured, I either knew in passing or was aware of. All of the stories involved some form of fear, worry or concern. After, we were asked how we felt, most of the comments were along the lines of "scared, sad, worried".  Remember, this was a support group, so there were people at all points of transition, I think I was the only post-op, but there were some who were living full-time, some that had started HRT but only presented as the opposite sex during group, and some that had not transitioned at all yet.

I also said that I was sad, but I explained that I was sad for a different reason. I was sad because the video had chosen to only focus on the negative. Where was the story of someone like myself, or others in the room, that were enjoying perfectly lovely quiet lives? I understand that "Transwoman goes to work, where she's respected, then comes home and snuggles on the couch with her husband and cats." isn't flashy or exciting, but the problem is, that's also a narrative that people need to see. Sure it's important for the "cis/hets" to see, but more importantly it's important for other trans people and people with dysphoria to see.

Unfortunately, our stories are rarely seen. So what is the lessen learned, including by the children which TRAs are so eager to set on a path to transition? "Dysphoria sucks and makes you hate your life, so you need to transition. But being trans also sucks in a different way, and you'll never be happy." Well doesn't that just give you the rosiest outlook on your life and potential future?

When I say that I'm happy, that I've managed to transition and avoid all these "horrible outcomes of living as transgender", other trans people either tell me I'm lying or that I have privilege. What purpose would be served by lying about being happy? "Ha ha! I fooled you, my life really sucks!" As for privilege, yes maybe I do have privilege, but if so, at least some came from choices I made. Nothing says that other trans people can't have similar experiences.

Honestly, if I'd listened to the "trans voices" that are out there speaking the loudest. I doubt I'd have ever thought to transition. I can't imagine why anyone would, as the image they paint is so awful, I'm sorry If my life goes against the "community's" narrative, but maybe that's why it's even more important for people to hear it.

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