Long Overdue Apology to the Lesbian Community

 As I've stated before, the views I hold now are not the ones I held a few years ago. I've grown, apologized and hopefully moved on to a healthier viewpoint. However there are some things I'd like to specifically apologize for now. I want to apologize for statements I made in relation to a women's event I attended early in my transition.

To be clear, this particular event was inclusive of transwomen, as long as the transwoman was "living full-time as a woman", Also, while the event was predominantly for lesbian and bisexual women, it was not exclusive to women of those sexualities. I did not attend with the intention of anything sexual happening, nor did it. Perhaps you could say that I wanted to attend for "validation", but mainly I just was looking for an event that I could attend to replace the gay men events I was no longer allowed to be a part of. Would I attend this event again in the future, probably not, but I might. I am supportive of events that CHOOSE to be inclusive of TW, just as I'm supportive of those that choose to exclude us.

Back in my TRA days, I would post comments relating to some of my observations from this event. These comments were about how "masculine" some of the women were, that some were more "masculine presenting" or had more "masculine energy" than I had ever had. Some dressed completely in "men's" clothes, had men's names, a few had had mastectomies and proudly showed their flat chests. One or two even talked about being on or going on testosterone. At the time, to me these were actions not of "butch" lesbians, but of transmen, so I felt it a double standard that women could exclude some "women" from their space, but them include some "men". My statements and thinking behind them were all very wrong. Of all my missteps, this is probably my greatest regret.

Of course I'm aware of the "butch" and "stone" labels in lesbian culture. (Yes I'm aware that not all "masculine women are lesbians) I think it's great that you have that. I am saddened to find that a lot of young women are apparently not aware of this possibility and that may be causing some to choose to transition.

I think part of my ignorance was that there is not a similar situation in gay male culture. Sure you have "feminine" gay men, and despite the idea of "masc 4 masc" there is still a place for them. But even the most "feminine" gay man still presents themselves as a man in daily life. Even drag is just a hobby or career. At the end of the night, the gowns, wigs, and makeup come off to reveal the man underneath. You may find males that will only seek sex with another male while they are presenting as a woman or if the other male is presenting as a woman (and you won't usually find these men at gay male events as they don't consider themselves or the men they have sex with to be gay), but again the presentation eventually comes off. You won't find a gay man that goes by the name Julia in daily life, adopts the daily presentation of "womanhood" and yet still considers themselves to be a gay man. Perhaps this is a failing of the gay community. While a lot of young women may not be seeing the "butch community" at least it is there. Young men do not have a similar space.

On to my actual apology. I am truly sorry for any statements I ever made about some lesbians being more "masculine" or having more "masculine energy" than transwomen. I am sorry for thinking that women only or lesbian only events SHOULD include transwomen. I'm sorry for placing my own judgements on the women that attended that event. I was a guest in that space and ultimately I ended up insulting my hostesses.

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